some one pls help me... im.. so used to my own fake smiles... tt i lost my ability to smile frm my heart now... i hav been numbing myself wif fake smiles n studies..all the way.. since i dun neo how long ago... n now.. i really pushed myself too hard did i?? everytime.. when i feel like stopping my fake smiles... i dun neo how to.. i will jus push myself to go on... n mayb wat wan qing said is right.. i dont hav a limit...
i do hav a limit for injuries.. but for this.. i dun neo....im hurting so badly inside me.. n i wanna... smile frm my heart... but.. i somehow lost my ability to.. im thinking.. if its right of me to type out this post...i lost my ability... to stop the fake smile frm everyone else... i dun neo how to stop it now... everytime.. when i wanna get the troubles in my mind settled out.. i couldnt... pls dun ask me y.. cause.. i wanna neo the reason y too...
fake smiles n studies.. can jus be the numb to my current troubles... but after using the fake smiles n studies excuse for a very very long time.. i drifted away frm reality... without me knowing.. im escaping frm it... n wat wan qing said is right... its like a drug... its like smoking.. n once u get used to it... it jus keeps happening... wat is a real smile?? i forgotten abt it...
im too used to... smiling wif qing yi in one coversation.. n crying wif raelene in another..who am i?? i dun neo... i really need time to figure this out.. but how?? i hate schooling tmr.. cause its another numb... when these fake smiles get into u... its really adictive... even now.. im trying not to put smileys.... can someone pls tell me..when am i smiling..
n when am i not?? im jus trying to run away frm u guys.... by all the fake smiles..cause if i really emo... i will be bringing nth gd to u ppl... i wanna face it now....right now... but... someone pls tell me how.. i lost my mind... i dun neo hu is the person typing this post... im trying to keep all my emotions for months... but....
i some how... lost my limits...it isnt my limits now i can tell u... but.. if i dun stop.. wat will it be later on?? i dun wish to stop... but.. i neo i hav to... wat is the urge pushing me inside?? i dun neo.. i lost it... i hate... running when my leg hurts.. i hate... all the smiles.. tt are given by me... are they fake or real??
haha.. gd question cause i swear i dun neo wat is inside me now... i need a break.. i really do.. b4.. i really exceed my limit.. im tired... i really am... but it jus doesnt seem to be the right time for a break now... i feel like breaking down.. but i cant.. cause theres tis urge inside me telling me not to... taking drugs like tt..... sucks at times... esp when u overdose it...i lost myself...
wat am i doing in netball?? wat am i doing as a team mate?? wat am i doing as a friend?? i neo i need time alone.. but whenever im alone.. things jus wont work out... but when im wif everyone.. i dun neo wat im doing... god tell me wat to do.. im crying so badly inside.. but im smiling outside.. n i dun neo how to stop this...... i really need a break b4 i can move on again... im sick of myself... but heys ppl.. let me handle it alone...dun help me now..cause there isnt a need to..(: i promise u ppl i will be fine lastest by wed ok??? trust me... (: i neo.. im tired.. but i neo.. i hav to hang on there.. n get my limit bac... (:
